The Fight

February 15, 2017


I watched her from a far off place, trudging slowly, with no will, through frosty snow.  The streetlight lit up her elfin-like features casting dark shadows where no shadows should have been.  Under her eyes, black like the sky, were two purple rings contrasting incongruously with her pale skin.  Shadows masked the rest of her features.  

She placed one foot after the other as if going to be executed, as she surely thought she was.  Her step was heavy and meaningless.  If it had not been for the slight light I should never have seen her, she was so quiet and so “motionless”.  Tears, freezing as they slipped down her frostbitten cheeks, fell softly to the snow on which she walked.  As lifeless as she might seem at first glance, there was as yet something incredibly vital about her which made me look closer.  I saw that she was grasping—clenching her upper arms over and over as if to squeeze the life from them.  She hungrily searched the sky, shouting indistinguishable words.

“I love you.  I love you.  I love you.”

Silence.

She collapsed onto the ground.  Her legs folded under her.  She dropped her head into her shaking hands and poured out her sorrow in one piercing, heart-wrenching sob.  

I had never heard anyone cry quite like that before.  It was as if her whole world was afire and all she could do was cry in protest.  No—she wasn’t crying—she was weeping, sobbing, putting her entire heart into little salty tears.  She knew it was all she could do.  The sound tore at my soul, tearing it to pieces at every renewed sob I heard.  

She stood up once more, pacing about the barren, frosty field as if tracing a path she had once trod happily in long ago days.  She wove in and out of the tamaracks, snow dropping from above onto her shoulders—yet another burden for her to carry.  

“I love you.  I love you.  I love you.
I will not give in.  You are worth it.  I am worth it."

Tears still ran down her cheeks, but her sobs sounded almost inhuman.  The wind tore through the trees.


“Wind, you may whistle in my ears and freeze me to death, but I will still be here.  I will still be here because I love him.  You cannot change that.  You cannot take him from me.”

And then her countenance became woeful again.

“I cannot do this alone.  Why does nobody understand me?  I’ve tried, I’ve waited, I’ve loved and lost.  I will not loose him.”

Her words were so desperate, torn out and pushed through her mouth in the very depths of hopelessness.  She made her way to a small hill, climbed to the top, and stood there glaring into the blizzard.  

“If someone is given the chance to love, they should be allowed to take it.  No rules—of normality or regulations—nothing should stand in the way.  Love is so rare.  Not distance nor other people should try to stop it.  

“I love you.  I love you.  I love you and I will not give up because I love you.  Because you are the only person I have ever found who understands me just a little.  I love you because you were kind when no one else was.  I love you because you gave so much up for me.  Because you risked everything.  I love you because you listened when everyone else talked over me.  I love you because you stood next to me and fought for me when no one else would.
That’s what this is.  It’s a fight.  I will not give up.
I love you.  I love you.  I love you.”



 written in a torrent of mixed feelings on 2.15.17.
xoxo

18 comments

  1. Sophia! You wrote this? The first part just captivated me! Wow!
    What do you mean by, "the world feels like it's ending"?
    I know this might sound odd, sense we don't know each other that well, but you can email me anytime about anything!
    *hugs*
    Email address: paigespages04@gmail.com

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    1. Yup! Thanks!! So glad you liked it. :)
      Haha, I think I was still in my poetic mood when I wrote that. ;) But I meant it in a different way that would be first apparent. I was sort of referring to how things and people change when you grow up. Like, that world that was once mine is now gone—changed. I don't know . . . that probably doesn't make any sense. ;P
      Oh goodness you are so sweet! I really truly appreciate that offer, Paige!! <3 I will definitely keep that in mind. Thank you so much! That was really thoughtful of you.
      *hugs to you too* <3

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    2. Yes, I completely understand actually! Is this the first year your sister is going to college? This year will make my sister's second semester at college, and everything feels so upside down! I've been thinking about it a lot, so I get what you mean! She (my big sis) is also courting, and gone all the time, so everything is messed up feeling. :( But she is happy, and I'm happy for her.
      Sorry for the long comment again!=/
      <333

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    3. Yes, she is. xD She's not at college full-time yet—only twice a week, but still. Yeah, that messed up feeling stinks. :(
      No worries! I love long comments. :D

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    4. Okay. Yeah, me sis was at first doing a 15 hour week in college, but it proved to be wayyyy to stressful for everyone. I think she cut it down to 6 now, but then she's also working. :/ But at least not so much homework!
      What is your sister going to college for? (Have I already asked that?) πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘
      In a way I feel jealous to want things how that were again, but I try to just except it, you know.
      Oh good! Cause here's another one for ya, lol!! =D

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    5. Sarah is going for midwifery! Right now she is taking her A+P class.
      Yeah that makes sense.
      Lol! xD

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    6. =D I so wanna be a midwife, and think I'll start apprenticing at 16 or 18!!!! I l.o.v.e midwifery! That's very exciting! <3
      =)

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    7. That sounds awesome! Sarah just started shadowing a nurse at the hospital in fall 2016 (she's sixteen right now). She really is enjoying it! You totally should. :D

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  2. Sheesh, so I looked down and thought it was going to be a short little poem with a few short cute pictures, and then I read it and I'm like 'WHAAAAAT??!!!' and so I keep going to the next stanza and I just wanna kill her love for leaving her there like that -- and I kind of want to murder the narrater for not doing anything either -- and I'm really sad because that was such a heart wrenching scene that I almost cried and it's so early in the morning that that's no way to start off the day ---*thaaaaankssophie* Lol.
    Very well done, it wasn't happy, or joyful or funny, not even a little bit. But I congratulate you because you were making it to be felt in other people and you did it! *Laughs and kind of cries*
    You know, Dorothy and I are always here for you when you need us, 'kay? Just call. :)

    Amelia xxxxxxxxxxxxx
    <3 <3 <3 <3

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    1. LOL Yeah, the narrator sort of annoyed me too . . . but whatever. ;) Aww, sorry I ruined your morning. Yup, you can always count on me to do that. ;) #sorrymilly
      Thank you! That means a lot to me! That was what I aiming for. Haha, nope it definitely wasn't a happy poem. xD
      Thanks, girlfriend! You two rock. <3 Thanks for everything.
      xx

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  3. oh my gosh. oh my GOSH. OH MY GOSH. OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGAWSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Like what even can I say? I don't know what to say. SHould I say anything? Probably not. Will I? Of course!
    THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD PIECE, ITS JUST..... UGH I DONT EVEN KNOW. SO MANY LINES I WAS LIKE 'DANG THAT IS SO GOOD' AND 'DANGIT THAT IS AMAZING' 'STINKING AWESOME LINE RIGHT THERE' AND 'WHAT THE HECK' BECAUSE IT WAS JUST SO FREAKING AMAZING!!!!!
    Ahem... sorry, I'm done screaming now....
    So the wording was so so poetic and beautiful!! You transitioned each paragraph beautifully, in a way I could never manage. I felt like I was sitting right there with the narrator, frozen, immobile, watching her and weeping with her. Seriously, I almost cried.
    Her love is so strong and she is so strong and I feel her pain. I feel YOUR pain. I want to be like that.
    Yeah, I don't know what else to say...
    just wow.
    -E

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    1. Thank you so so so much, Esther! You cannot even imagine how much your kind words mean to me. <3
      Your comments are some of the best I have ever received. Thank you so much for everything!! I'm so glad you liked the poem. <3

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    2. Oh my gosh I am so glad. Sometimes I just write out a comment saying exactly what I think and feel and then I read it after it is published and I'm like... "Woops. I hope I didn't scare them away..."
      So you give me hope!!
      Yes I love love loved it!

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    3. Writing out your real feelings is the best though! It makes the author of the post feel so appreciated. At least . . . that's how I feel. :D
      Haha, good! :D
      <3

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  4. So in love with your blog!

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    1. Thanks so much, Morgan!! That means a ton. <3 Thanks for stopping by and following!!

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  5. This is so so beautiful...I have no other words. <3
    ~Kathryn

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    1. Aww, thanks, Kathryn. <3 You're very sweet.

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